Potential Interview Questions

Hello there recent college graduates!  Some of you are still frantically scrambling to find a job to pay off those crippling student loans.  While the Official Moon Base Party of the United States of America is not currently hiring, we developed a list of questions employers may ask you when you finally get that job interview.  We are just a bunch of nice guys like that.  Study up because you might be asked these questions in your next interview!

  • How did you hear about this position?
  • Tell me about yourself
  • Tell me about yourself using these puppets.
  • What is your ideal company and how are we better than it?
  • Describe your most painful childhood memory.
  • Tell us about any relevant work experience you have, but only phrase your answer as a series of questions.
  • You look like your mom dressed you this morning. What the hell makes you think you can handle this job?
  • I know this is an accounting job, but can you work for less than minimum wage plus tips?
  • Are you allergic to spider bites?
  • Do you know what a work-life balance is? Seriously, we have no idea what that is and we were hoping you could tell us.
  • Have you ever been in love? Honest to God true love like in the movies? I mean, how do you ever really know you are in love?
  • Where do you see yourself in 35 years?
  • Are you afraid of anything? Are you afraid of spiders?
  • How do you feel about Star Wars Episode VII? Please limit your response to 30 minutes.
  • What is your stance on partial-birth abortions?
  • Why did you leave your last job? Are you a quitter or something? You look like a quitter.
  • Did you research our company before the interview? List the names of all of our previous CFOs in reverse chronological order.
  • Are you comfortable working for a four thousand pound spider?
  • I have a Minions tattoo on my left thigh. Where is your Minions’ tattoo?
  • Describe a time you were sexually aroused and what you learned from it.
  • If you had one of the five Captain Planet rings, which one would you have and why?
  • Suppose your coworkers went missing one by one. Would you panic or would you remain calm and continue working?
  • Who are you and how did you get in my office?
  • What do you think about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict?
  • Your supervisor invites you to his nest, I mean, house for a casual, after work gathering. Will you call the police before coming over?
  • How do you handle pressure? As in, can your body survive long periods of time buried under piles of various construction materials?
  • If you could travel back in time, how many times would you kill Hitler?
  • Do you check to see if you put on deodorant by smelling your armpit?
  • List your six favorite things about Mario Andretti.
  • Would you let me lick your toenails?
  • Are you willing to relocate to a remote cabin in the wilderness of Vermont?
  • Who is your favorite host of the View and why is it Lisa Ling?
  • This is a dead end job. Taking this job will make you virtually unemployable after you are terminated in three years. You will develop no marketable skills while you work here, and we would never write you or anyone else a recommendation letter. When you are on the streets begging strangers for spare change, are you the type of person who would eat your own dog to stay alive?
  • Have any of your previous supervisors laid eggs into your chest cavity? How would you feel if your new boss laid eggs into your chest cavity?
  • If I dared you, would you kick Johnson in the testicles? (Interviewer points to a largest black man also in the room).
  • Tell me about a time you were so high you thought you could smell colors and then you spent forty minutes in a hotel bathroom trying to smell the little light bulbs above the mirror.
  • Reach into your pocket and pull out the first item you find. Now, try to convince someone on the street to buy that item. You have five minutes.
  • Are you a Hustler or a Playboy kind of guy?
  • Tell me one fact about yourself that would ruin your chances of being employed here.
  • You are now a magic genie that can grant three wishes to anyone who releases you from your bottle. Describe the bottle that contains you.
  • How am I doing interviewing you?
  • Are you willing to become part of the revolution? What if it meant your family would be eaten by hordes of baby spiders that just burst from your chest?
  • You have been in this office for fifteen minutes and I have yet to see adequate progress. You are fired.  Security, escort this man out of my building.
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