Complete List of Spider-Man Reboots

[A disgruntled employee at Marvel Studios tried to leak the complete list of Spider-Man reboots including some unexpected future reboots.  This individual tried to upload these to Wikileaks, but they turned him down.  He tried a few other news outlets before finding us.  He tried to sell us several internal memos from the heads of Marvel Studios detailing their plans.  We told him we had no money or interest in these, and then we stole them anyway while using all the fire extinguishers in that Denny’s to cover our trail.  Enjoy!]

 

Spider-Man (2002)

Peter Parker / Spider-Man: Tobey Maguire

Mary Jane Watson: Kristen Dunst

Norman Osborn / Green Goblin: Willem Dafoe

Harry Osborn: James Franco

On a class field trip to a genetics laboratory, Peter is bitten by a radioactive spider.  He develops spider-like superpowers such as super speed, super strength, wall-crawling, web-shooting, and “spidey” sense.  His beloved uncle Ben is shot by a thief.  This inspires Peter to use his newfound powers to fight crime as his alter-ego Spider-Man.  Meanwhile Norman Osborn tests an experimental performance-enhancing chemical on himself.  He gains super strength and becomes incredibly evil.  As the Green Goblin, he wreaks havoc upon the citizens of New York.  It is up to Spider-man to save the day and rescue the girl.  Stan Lee makes a cameo appearance.

—–

The Amazing Spider-man (2012)

Peter Parker / Spider-Man: Andrew Garfield

Gwen Stacy: Emma Stone

Dr. Curt Conners / The Lizard: Rhys Ifans

Captain George Stacy: Denis Leary

Peter Parker sneaks into OsCorp in order to learn the truth about his father.  Peter is bitten by a radioactive spider.  He develops spider-like superpowers such as super speed, super strength, wall-crawling, knowing how to make spider silk, and “spidey” sense.  Uncle Ben is murdered by a convenience store thief.  This inspires Peter to use his newfound powers to fight crime as his alter-ego Spider-Man.  Meanwhile Dr. Curt Connors tests an experimental limb-growing serum on himself.  This causes him to become a giant lizard with incredible strength and a super powerful tail.  As the Lizard, he wreaks havoc upon the citizens of New York.  It is up to Spider-Man to save the day and rescue the girl.  Stan Lee makes a cameo appearance.

—–

Spider-Man: Homecoming

Peter Parker / Spider-Man: Tom Holland

Liz Allan: Laura Harrier

Adrian Toomes / Vulture: Michael Keaton

May Parker: Mariasa Tomei

Typical high school student Peter Parker is bitten by a radioactive spider invented that got into Tony Stark’s big flashy Iron Man Omicron Suit.  Peter develops spider-like superpowers like the ability to climb walls, shoot web, snark, and whatever kids are into these days.  Uncle Ben is brutally murdered by a burglar in the middle of the night.  Peter is determined to use his new powers to fight crime as his alter-ego, Spider-Man.  Unbeknownst to Peter, criminal mastermind-ornithologist Adrian Toomes builds powerful mechanical wings so that he can fly his feathered friends.  But he accidentally downloads malware to the wings that make him evil.  Now calling himself Vulture, he wreaks havoc on the citizens of New York.  It is up to Spider-Man to save the day and rescue the girl.  Stan Lee makes a cameo appearance.

 

—–

The Incredible Spider-Man (2022)

Peter Parker / Spider-Man: Jaden Smith

Mary Jane Watson: Emma Lockhart

Dr. Otto Octavius/Doctor Octopus: Jonah Hill

Aunt May: Tyler Perry

Peter Parker accidentally stumbles into a genetics laboratory.  Peter is bitten by a radioactive spider.  He develops spider-like superpowers such as moderate strength, wall-climbing, knowing how to make spider silk, and “spidey” sense.  Uncle Ben is stabbed by purse snatcher.  This inspires Peter to use his newfound powers to fight crime as his alter-ego Spider-Man.  Meanwhile Dr. Otto Octavius tests an experimental combat suit on himself.  The suit is equipped with four super-strong, mechanical tentacles capable of snapping his enemies in half.   As Dr. Octopus, he wreaks havoc upon the citizens of New York.  It is up to Spider-Man to save the day and rescue the girl.  Stan Lee makes a surprise appearance.

Greatest of the Comic Book Heroes

The Awe-inspiring Spider-Man (2032)

Peter Parker / Spider-man: Dale Roberts

Mary Jane Watson: That girl from that music video

Aleksei Sytsevich / the Rhino: Dmitrii Ditko

Uncle Ben: A vagrant hired by casting

Peter Parker is on a class field trip to the genetically modified spider museum.  Peter is bitten by a mutant spider.  He develops spider-like superpowers such as increased lung volume, masonry skills, knowing how to make spider silk, and a hatred of house flies.  Uncle Ben mysteriously disappears (the actor playing Ben walked off the set due to budget disputes).  This inspires Peter to use his newly acquired superpowers to fight crime as his alter-ego Spider-Man.  Meanwhile Aleksei Sytsevich tests an experimental polymer on himself.  This polymer gives him superhuman strength, speed, and a razor sharp horn.  As the Rhino, he wreaks havoc upon the citizens of New Jersey.  It is up to Spider-Man to save the day and rescue the girl.  Stan Lee makes a cameo appearance.

—–

The Informed Spider-Man (2042)

Peter Parker / Spider-Man: Lee Thomas Warren

Gwen Stacy: Sara Denise Prusakova

Maxwell Dillon / Electro: Carl Louis Oswald

Uncle Ben: Jack Dallas Tippit

Peter Parker breaks into OsCorp to investigate an Illuminati plot.  Peter is bitten by a radioactive spider.  He develops spider-like superpowers such as super speed, super strength, leaving cryptic messages in spider webs, and a heightened sense of awareness to the media’s distortion.  Uncle Ben is assassinated by the Knights’ Templar while trying to uncover who actually killed Jack Ruby.  This inspires Peter to use his newfound powers to discover the truth as his alter-ego Spider-man.  Meanwhile electrical engineer Maxwell Dillon tests a new kind of operational amplifier on himself.  The incredible voltage gives him super speed, super strength, and the ability to shot lightning bolts from his hands, just as the Bilderberg Group had intended.  As Electro, he wreaks havoc upon the complacent, sheepish masses of New York.  It is up to Spider-Man to save the day and rescue Gwen from the Electro and the brainwashing propaganda machine.  Stan Lee makes a cameo appearance.

The Marvelous Spider-Man (2052)

Peter Parker / Spider-Man:  Randy Jenkins

Flash Thompson: Rob Thunderblossom

Mark Raxton / Molten Man: Katt Perkins

J. Jonah Jameson: Rex Reilly

Peter Parker is just having a fantastic day of shoe shopping when some big, nasty spider bites him!  Then he like changes.  He can run really fast, make fashionable scarfs from spider silk, and spit acid.  Then his uncle dies of shame.  This inspires Peter to use his abilities for good.  He runs away from home and becomes the Spider-Man.  On the other side of town Mark Raxton pours some hot metal all over his ripped body.  The metal makes him really strong and he can shoot fire from his hands ya’ll.  As Molten Man, he frightens everyone in San Francisco.  It is up to Spider-Man to save the day and save his main squeeze, Flash, before the Molten Man burns him up!  Stan Lee is in this as a janitor or something.

—–

Spider-Man and the Goblet of Fire (2062)

Peter Potter / Spider-Man: Noah Tech McKinsey

Hermione Watson: Emma Springsteen

Tom Marvolo Riddle / Lord Voldemort: Theo Nicoliz

Professor Albus Dumbledore: Keith Randolph

Peter Potter enters the Chamber of Secrets looking for the Philosopher’s Stone.  He is bitten by an enchanted spider.  He develops spider-like magical powers such as super strength, wall-crawling, silk-casting spells, and eight eyes.  His parents are murdered by a muggle.  This inspires Peter to use his newfound abilities to fight crime and the forces of darkness.  Meanwhile Tom Riddle casts an expecto patronum spell on himself.  This causes him to gain super strength and lose his nose.  As Lord Voldemort, he wreaks havoc upon the students of Hogwarts.  It is up to Spider-Man to save the day and rescue the girl.  Stan Lee makes a cameo appearance.

—–

Spider-Man (2072)

Peter Parker / Spider-Man: Jackson California

Mary Jane Watson: A deer leg

Norman Osborn: Voices inside Jackson California’s head

Henry Osborn: A discarded beer can

Peter Parker enters a fallout shelter looking for food.  He is bitten by a radioactive spider.  He develops spider-like superpowers, such as cancer.  His family was already vaporized in the Sino-Canadian Wars.  With nothing better to do, Peter decides to scavenge for food while dressed as a spider.  Meanwhile the last remaining humans feebly attempt to maintain the Internet merely to preserve decades of pornography.  The great fires scorch the rubble of the world’s last cities.  It is up to Peter to build a time machine and warn the past about the disasters that will befall the Earth.  Cyborg Stan Lee makes a cameo appearance.

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